Momma Bear vs. Me: Bullying hits home!

Bullying is unwanted, aggressive behavior that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time. Bullying includes actions such as making threats, spreading rumors, attacking someone physically or verbally, and excluding someone from a group on purpose. (www.StopBullying.gov)

When I was growing up, I was that kid who always befriended the one kid who was being picked on or purposely shunned or bullied. Even at a young age I never wanted people to feel like they did not matter. I wanted them to know and feel that they were special. I have passed that same philosophy on to my children. I have instilled in them to always treat people the way they would want to be treated. Of course, I’ve also told them that people will not always reciprocate that same behavior back but don’t allow that to deter them from doing what’s right.

This week, my daughter, Kennedy made an unusual request. She requested one of my alter egos: Momma Bear.  Now Momma Bear only comes out when her children are being treated unfairly. She is their protector and advocate. She is very aggressive and when she bites down, she bites down hard and she won’t ease up until justice is served…at least in her mind. When the twins started school, she had to come out quite a bit. The school was trying to place a nonverbal Autistic child in a general education class consisting of 20 students for 90% of the day. Ummm, I don’t think so! When Momma Bear finished, not only was her baby in a class with only four students but she also had his therapy times increased and bus transportation for a 5 minute drive. Yeah, Momma Bear don’t play when it comes to her children. So to have one of her children request her, something was up.

I asked my baby girl what was wrong and immediately she broke down. I scooped her up in my arms and in between sobs she told me that a boy in her class had been saying mean and hurtful things to her and about her. I asked her what did he say and she told me: “You’re fat. You’re ugly. You stink. You smell like pee. Boys will never like you. You’re stupid.” She went on to say that she knew those things weren’t true but it still hurt her feelings. I asked her if she had done anything to him to make him say those things and she said no…she has always been nice to him.

I...was...HEATED! My baby was in my arms, crushed because of the verbal abuse inflicted by some peanut head little boy... not once but every day for the past week and a half. He was bullying my child! Well of course Momma Bear came out of hibernation and she had a plan. She was going to call her friend who works at the jail, have him accompany her to the school in his uniform (handcuffs and all) and scare the crap out of that little boy. When she got through with him, he will think twice before he bullied Kennedy or any body else.

I had the phone in my hand ready to make that call but I stopped. What I was about to do was no different than what that boy had done to Kennedy. He had made her feel like a nobody…like she didn’t matter. And I was about to do the same to him. Now I know what you’re saying, “Girl, he was mean to her! He made her cry! He damaged her self-esteem! Crush him!”  Believe me, I wanted to…Ohhhh how I wanted to. But what type of lesson would I be teaching Kennedy if I were to carry out that plan. That it’s ok to repay bullying with bullying? That’s not the message I wanted her to get. As I stated earlier, I’ve instilled in my children to treat people the way they would want to be treated…people will not always reciprocate that same behavior back but don’t allow that to deter them from doing what’s right. I had to do what was right.

I told Kennedy that Momma Bear will not fight this battle but mommy will. I informed her teacher and the principal of what was happening. I also enlightened them (or rather Momma Bear enlightened them) that if this issue were to resurface again with this same little boy, that I would handle it a little differently next time…they understood what I was saying. The teacher spoke with the boy and had him to apologize to Kennedy. She also reassured Kennedy that she can come to her and tell her anything…especially when she’s being bullied.

Last night I asked Kennedy if she had any more problems with the boy and she said, “No. He actually likes me and he asked me to be his girlfriend.”

WHAT??!!!

Go back to sleep, Momma Bear…go back to sleep.